When we are hurt in a relationship, when we are spinning in the blooming buzzing confusion of sensemaking, the explanation we elect as correct usually has more to do with our own fears and vulnerabilities than it does with the reality of the situation; almost always, that explanation is wrong; almost always, the true explanation has more to do with the fears and vulnerabilities roiling in the other person invisibly to us.
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We all have mental maps — representations of how we see ourselves and the world. But the amazing thing is, many of us use mental maps that were drawn up a long time ago, in a completely different context. And we continue to use them, even when the world changes, and even when we change.
Hidden Brain
Most of us recognize that we don't always act in our own best interests. We procrastinate. We reach for the candy bar instead of the apple. We say things we later regret. Psychologists have long recognized that our behavior is shaped by mental maps — internal representations of the world that guide our actions, often without our awareness.
Hidden Brain
The phrase 'can neither confirm nor deny' is the perfect non-denial denial. It's such a perfect deflection that it seems like it's been around forever.
Radiolab