He who begins to be your friend because it pays will also cease because it pays. A man will be attracted by some reward offered in exchange for his friendship, if he be attracted by aught in friendship other than friendship itself.
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Most people think that communication problems arise because we don't say what we mean. But research suggests the opposite is often true: we say exactly what we mean, but we fail to consider how our words will land on the other person. We're so focused on our own intentions that we forget the listener is constructing their own interpretation of what we say.
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We assume that if we are thinking something, other people can see it too. The problem is that our thoughts and feelings are invisible to others. What is obvious to us is often completely hidden to everyone else.
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We assume we know what someone is trying to tell us even before they've finished talking. But that assumption leads us to fill in the blanks with our own expectations rather than actually listening — and the result is that we often respond to the conversation we imagined rather than the one we actually had.
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