Most of us think of emotional support as something we offer through words — by listening carefully, offering advice, or saying just the right thing. But researchers have found that simply being in the presence of someone who cares about us can reduce our experience of pain and stress, even when that person says nothing at all.
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You've probably been told that better choices come from more data or sharper reasoning, but neuroscience shows us that our choices are fundamentally emotional. Our feelings are the underlying 'context-setters' on which our rational brain acts. When we avoid certain emotional states, our solution set becomes constrained in ways we may not even be aware of.
Joe Hudson
Because our vagal pathways are shaped by our earliest experiences of co-regulation in the infant-parent dyad, ruptures in that co-regulation — whether by abuse or neglect — condition the dorsal vagus to become dominant and make a neuroception of danger the default response, storying reality away from safety, nowhere more perilously than in intimate relationships.
Maria Popova
Before giving up drinking, I had very little earnestness at my command. I drank in order to give myself permission to talk openly, or at great length, or to heighten the sensation of listening or being listened to. Drinking is way easier than saying that you want to talk to someone, or don't.
Sarah Miller