Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We found that people dramatically underestimate how much others will appreciate their expressions of gratitude. They think the other person will feel awkward or that the note will seem, you know, a little bit over the top. But in study after study, we found that recipients felt much more positive about receiving these kinds of messages than senders anticipated.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people around us — our friends, family members, and coworkers — are perfectly aware of how much we appreciate them. But research suggests that people dramatically underestimate the impact of expressing gratitude. The person receiving the message feels far better than the sender ever expected.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people who love us know how we feel about them. But research suggests that our positive feelings for others are systematically underestimated — that the people in our lives have little idea how much we appreciate, admire, and care for them.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

From childhood, we're taught that honesty is the best policy. Yet in everyday life, we hedge, soften our words, and leave things unsaid.

Hidden Brain

You Are Not Ordinary

Most of us know, of course, that we are not actually the center of the universe. But we often act as if we are. We notice when we are the victim of rudeness, but we rarely think about all the times when other people were rude and we weren't around to experience it.

Hidden Brain

Changing Our Mental Maps

We often think of prejudice as a moral failing — a character flaw in people who are just bad actors. But research suggests that's not the whole story. Our minds rely on mental maps — generalizations about the world — that can lead us to make assumptions about people based on group membership, even when we genuinely believe we treat everyone as individuals.

Hidden Brain

Changing Our Mental Maps

Most of us know that stereotypes are wrong, but we may not fully appreciate how deeply those stereotypes shape our interactions with people every day. Psychologists have a term for this. They call it a mental map — an internal model of the world that guides how we navigate our relationships and institutions.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

Most of us think of deep conversations as something that requires a certain kind of person — an extrovert, perhaps, or someone who is especially empathetic. But research finds that nearly all of us are capable of having meaningful exchanges, and that we consistently underestimate how much strangers want to connect with us.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

Most of us think about connection in terms of talking — sharing our experiences, finding common ground, opening up to one another. But researchers have found that one of the most powerful sources of connection isn't talking at all. It's doing things together, side by side, in silence.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

We assume that the people we talk to notice and think about us more than they actually do. And we assume that we know what other people are thinking and feeling — that we can read their minds. But we are often wrong about this.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

We often think of connection as something that requires vulnerability or deep conversation, but research suggests that even brief, seemingly trivial interactions with strangers — a nod from a passerby, a short exchange with a barista — can meaningfully boost our sense of belonging. The problem is that most of us opt out of these moments, assuming the other person would rather be left alone. But studies find we are systematically wrong about this: strangers are far more interested in connecting with us than we predict.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

We tend to think that deep conversations require vulnerability, openness, and a willingness to share our inner lives. But Mastroianni's research suggests something different: that the biggest obstacle to good conversations isn't a lack of openness, but a lack of curiosity. Most of us are so focused on what we want to say that we forget to wonder about the person in front of us.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

We don't just want people to know us — we want to feel known by them. And one of the most powerful ways to feel known is to have someone remember the small details of our lives: the name of our dog, the fact that we hate cilantro, the thing we mentioned once about our complicated relationship with our mother.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

Most of us think of deep conversations as something that requires a close relationship. But research by psychologist Nicholas Epley and his colleagues suggests that even strangers can have meaningful, connecting exchanges — and that we systematically underestimate how much others will appreciate our attempts to go deep.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

We typically think that what creates closeness between people is talking about yourself — sharing your opinions, your experiences, your feelings. But the researchers found that asking questions, and in particular, asking follow-up questions, was just as powerful a tool for creating connection.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

Most of us think of the things we have in common with other people as a source of connection. But Inbar and his colleagues have found something surprising: the things that make us different can be just as powerful — and sometimes more powerful — at bringing people together.

Hidden Brain

A Secret Source of Connection

Most of us think of nostalgia as a kind of pleasant but passive experience — a wistful longing for the past. But researchers have found that nostalgia is actually a social emotion. When we feel nostalgic, we don't just think about ourselves; we think about the people we love.

Hidden Brain

Group Think

How do the groups you identify with shape your sense of self? Do they influence the beer you buy? The way you vote?

Hidden Brain

Group Think

how our group loyalties affect us more than we realize, and can even shape our basic senses of sight, taste and smell