Most of us are quick to help others in distress, but we also, at some level, blame them for their misfortune. If victims could have avoided their fate, then we can avoid it too. But if they did nothing to bring it on themselves, then we are just as vulnerable as they were — and that's a terrifying thought.
We tend to assume that bad things happen to bad people, and good things happen to good people. When we encounter someone who has suffered a terrible fate through no fault of their own, it can shatter this comfortable illusion — and rather than update our beliefs, we often unconsciously blame the victim instead.
Most of us believe that we would recognize injustice when we see it, and that we would speak up or take action. But research by social psychologist Melvin Lerner suggests we often do something quite different — we blame the victim. Lerner found that when people observed an innocent person suffering, they didn't always feel empathy. Instead, they often convinced themselves that the victim must have done something to deserve their fate.
Most of us think of ourselves as moral people. We believe we care about the world, and that we would help those in need if given the chance. But what if our good intentions are actually getting in the way of doing real good? What if feeling moral is crowding out being moral?
When we blow up our lives, we often tell ourselves we're seeking freedom or authenticity. But research suggests we may simply be running from discomfort — and that the new life we're chasing will eventually produce the same discomfort we were trying to escape.
Most of us think we learn from our mistakes, but the research suggests something more complicated: we often remember our mistakes in ways that are distorted, and we frequently draw the wrong lessons from them. We tell ourselves stories about what went wrong that protect our egos, and those stories can lead us to repeat the same errors.
Most of us have been taught to think about luck as a minor factor in success — just a small boost that helps certain people get ahead. But psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman says this view misses something profound: many of the things we consider to be signs of talent or hard work are themselves the product of circumstances beyond our control.
Because you don't want to look stupid, you'll stay stupid or because you don't want to ask for help, you don't get help. Uh or you don't want to look like you want it too badly, so you don't get it.
