Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We assume we know what someone is trying to tell us even before they've finished talking. But that assumption leads us to fill in the blanks with our own expectations rather than actually listening — and the result is that we often respond to the conversation we imagined rather than the one we actually had.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We often assume that the people we're talking to share our understanding of a conversation's purpose — but they frequently don't. One person thinks they're having a casual chat, while the other thinks they're negotiating. One person wants emotional support, while the other launches into problem-solving mode.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We assume that other people understand us better than they actually do, and other people assume that they understand us better than they actually do. This leads to a kind of mutual overconfidence in our ability to communicate — and it means that the gap between what we intend to say and what others hear is often much larger than we realize.

Semafor

Youth Wellbeing Forum: Building Resilient Generations | Semafor Events

There's a concept called co cognitive shrinking that's being noticed now in children using AI.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We assume that what's in our head is plain to see to everyone around us. But the thoughts and feelings we have are invisible to others. And when we forget this, and communicate as if our inner world is on full display, conversations go wrong.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We assume that the people we're talking to understand us, that they grasp what we mean. But research shows that we are often wrong about this. We think we're communicating clearly, but the other person is operating on a completely different set of assumptions.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

Most people think of conversations as cooperative endeavors where two people are working together to exchange information. But Deborah Tannen has spent her career documenting how conversations are also performances — rituals laden with hidden rules about status, connection, and identity. When those hidden rules collide, we don't just miscommunicate; we wound each other without ever knowing why.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We often assume that the people we're talking with see the world the way we do — and when they say something that seems strange or hostile, we interpret it through that lens. But much of the time, the other person is operating with an entirely different set of assumptions, and neither party realizes they're not actually having the same conversation.

Hidden Brain

Why Conversations Go Wrong

We often think that the source of conflict in our relationships is a difference of opinions or values. But much of the time, the problem is something more fundamental: we think we're communicating clearly, when we're actually not communicating at all.

Hidden Brain

Blowing Up Your Life

When we blow up our lives, we often tell ourselves we're seeking freedom or authenticity. But research suggests we may simply be running from discomfort — and that the new life we're chasing will eventually produce the same discomfort we were trying to escape.

Hidden Brain

Blowing Up Your Life

We sometimes blow up our lives not because things are going badly, but because they're going too well — because we're afraid of what success might demand of us, or because we can't tolerate the tension of being so close to what we want.

Freakonomics Radio

686. Why Is It So Hard to Find an NFL Quarterback?

For decades, teams have tried (and mostly failed) to predict which college quarterbacks will thrive in the pros. Is the science finally catching up?

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We expect that people will judge us harshly for saying something awkward, but actually, people often appreciate the effort. The discomfort we feel about saying the wrong thing is much greater than the discomfort the other person feels when we say nothing at all.

EconTalk

Meritocracy, Exams, and the Knowledge That Matters (with Daisy Christodoulou)

chess masters, surgeons, even Steven Spielberg couldn't simply transfer their brilliance elsewhere.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that people can read our minds — that our feelings, our appreciation, our love, are somehow transmitted through the ether without our having to say anything. But research consistently shows that we dramatically overestimate how much others know about what we're thinking and feeling.

Hidden Brain

Blowing Up Your Life

People who blow up their lives often don't realize that the discomfort they feel isn't a sign that something is wrong with their life — it's a sign that something is wrong with them. And if you blow up your life without addressing that underlying problem, you're going to find yourself in the same situation a few years later.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We found that people dramatically underestimate how much others will appreciate their expressions of gratitude. They think the other person will feel awkward or that the note will seem, you know, a little bit over the top. But in study after study, we found that recipients felt much more positive about receiving these kinds of messages than senders anticipated.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people around us — our friends, family members, and coworkers — are perfectly aware of how much we appreciate them. But research suggests that people dramatically underestimate the impact of expressing gratitude. The person receiving the message feels far better than the sender ever expected.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that other people can read our minds — that our feelings, intentions, and inner states are transparent to those around us. But research suggests we dramatically overestimate how much others know about what we're thinking and feeling, while simultaneously underestimating how much our own silence shapes the way others perceive us.

TED Radio Hour

Less guilt, more joy: A new chapter for climate action

Negative emotions get exhausting over time. So there was a really incredible global mega study looking at 60,000 participants from 63 different countries and testing 11 interventions that were all designed to promote action on climate change. Now, one of these messages was kind of a traditional doom and gloom message about how terrible climate change is and how bad everything's going to be. And at first glance, it looks like that message worked really well. It was one of the messages that people were most likely to share on social media. However, this doom and gloom message actually undermined people's willingness to take a more effortful form of action.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We assume that people know how we feel about them. But the research suggests that our feelings are far more opaque to others than we realize. We think we're an open book, but to everyone else, the pages are often blank.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We assume that other people know how we feel about them. But study after study finds that we are much worse at conveying our feelings than we think. The gap between what we feel and what others actually perceive is often enormous.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people who love us know how we feel about them. But research suggests that our positive feelings for others are systematically underestimated — that the people in our lives have little idea how much we appreciate, admire, and care for them.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people around us can read between the lines — that our silence speaks for itself, or that our feelings are obvious from context. But research suggests that what feels transparent to us is often invisible to others. The gap between what we mean and what we actually communicate can be vast, and most of us have no idea how wide it truly is.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that people who don't speak up are simply withholding information. But research suggests something more surprising: many people who stay silent genuinely believe they have communicated — they think their feelings, intentions, or objections were obvious, even when they said nothing at all.

TED Intersections

How to Live a Good Life — on Earth and in Space | TED Intersections

What we owe another person is to be willing to look at them again. Which means like often times we meet people and we sort of form our assumptions and stereotypes about them. We kind of We put them in a little category in our brain and then we interact with them according to that category.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We don't just fail to say things because we're afraid of rejection or conflict. We also stay silent because we don't realize how much our words matter to other people. We consistently underestimate the power of our own voices.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We assume that people can read our minds — that the people we love know how much we love them, that our friends understand we care for them, that our colleagues know how much we value them. But studies show that in reality, the people closest to us often have little idea of how we truly feel about them.

Fresh Air

How the government wastes our time

I think that we don't see these things as being purposeful, modifiable, rooted in things like sexism and racism in some cases. And so, yeah, the time tax, what is it taking from you to get that thing?

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We often assume that the people we love know how much we care about them. But research suggests that our feelings are far less visible to others than we think — that there's a persistent gap between the love we feel on the inside and the love that actually gets communicated and received.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

From childhood, we're taught that honesty is the best policy. Yet in everyday life, we hedge, soften our words, and leave things unsaid.

Hidden Brain

The Things We Don't Say

We think that people will judge us harshly when we acknowledge a weakness or a struggle. But the research suggests that vulnerability often has the opposite effect — it actually makes people like us more and trust us more.

TED

How Doodling Unlocks Your Imagination | Joe Whale | TED

Imagination is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. But if you don't use it, it gets weaker and your body will rely on something else to do it for you.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want, but research shows we're often wrong. We assume our partners' needs mirror our own, a bias psychologists call 'egocentric projection.' The result is that we give our partners what we would want, rather than what they actually need.

TED

Why Big Tech Is Incompatible with Democracy | Bruno Giussani | TED

We think we control them, but actually is they who hypnotize us and domesticate us. And we are increasingly surrounded by machines that under the cover of optimization and practicality diminish our ability to understand reality and to act upon it.

Book of the Day

In 'Daytona Teddy Riggs,' a former high school football star enters a downward spiral

Men are feeling unsatisfied or lonely and they see this kind of new hyper masculinity as a possible answer. And I think that's on some level it's more appealing because it's easier than you know introspection and you know self-reflection.

The Prof G Pod

"AI Is a Power Story" — Hannah Ritchie on the Energy Squeeze

People have this image of nuclear when they think about nuclear they think about Chernobyl they think about Fukushima these really salient high impact single events and I think that in some sense that skews our perceptions to thinking that nuclear is incredibly unsafe source of energy.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

When we feel that our partner is not meeting our needs, we tend to assume that we've chosen the wrong person. We blame them for being selfish, or insensitive, or not trying hard enough. But research suggests that the problem often lies not with our partner, but with how well we've communicated what we actually need.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want and need, but research suggests we're not nearly as good at this as we think. We assume that because we love someone, we understand them. But love and understanding are not the same thing.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most people think the key to a better relationship is finding the right partner. But research suggests that who you are in a relationship matters more than who your partner is — that the same person can experience very different relationships depending on the skills and outlook they bring to them.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want and need. But research suggests we're often wrong — and the problem is that we don't realize we're wrong. We assume that because we love someone and have spent years with them, we must understand them. But love and understanding are not the same thing.

The Origins Podcast

Physics for Everyone, #4. The Beating Heart of Modern Physics: The Dog Who Didn't Bark in the Night.

The dog did nothing in the nighttime. That was the curious incident, remarked Sherlock Holmes. Sometimes nothing is very important.

Decoder with Nilay Patel

Welcome to the AI crisis in math

It's funny that AI systems are all still pretty bad at elementary school arithmetic, but getting increasingly good at very high-end abstract math. That raises some big questions for the field of advanced math.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

our fears, desires, and insecurities can shape our perceptions of our partners — sometimes creating the very reality we expect

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want and need, but research suggests we're often surprisingly wrong. We see our partners through the lens of our own desires and fears, and we mistake what we want for what they want.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us know that relationships require work. What we don't always appreciate is that the work is often counterintuitive — that what feels natural, like defending yourself when you feel attacked, or withdrawing when you feel overwhelmed, can be exactly the wrong thing to do.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want and need. But Epley's research suggests that we're often wrong — and that the solution isn't to try harder to read our partner's mind, but to simply ask.

Hidden Brain

How to Be A Better Partner

Most of us think we know what our partners want and need. But Epley's research suggests we're not nearly as good at this as we think we are. We often fail to ask, and instead rely on assumptions that can be badly wrong.